Talking about sexuality with teens can be a challenge to parents/guardians. Sometimes they are fearful about saying too much, too soon (although there’s no evidence that this should be a concern). Some parents/guardians feel they don’t know enough to be a reliable source of accurate information as regards sex and sexuality. Additionally, when teens feel uncomfortable coming to their parents or guardians regarding difficult issues, such as sex, they often turn to their friends and/or the media in order to gain information.
Unfortunately, most of tbe information they receive from these sources are either blatantly wrong or misinformed. That’s why it’s very important that our parents starts the conversation with their teens early. Continue this conversation throughout your teen’s life by letting them know you are open and non-judgmental regarding the issue of sex and sexuality. Remember, no parent needs to be an expert on sexuality to have meaningful conversations with their children since every parent can share their values about sexuality, relationships, and respect for others.
While it does take some forethought, parents can provide accurate information to their children about sexuality and reinforce their spiritual or religious values. Many families belong to particular religious denominations, while others have a strong sense of spirituality without belonging to an organized faith community. Most faith traditions talk about sexuality as a gift of God – something to be respected and in which to find joy. Still others talk about values and beliefs without discussing religion or spirituality at all.
Whatever your relationship to religion, it’s important that you talk with your child about sexuality in the context of your own personal, moral views.
When talking to children about sex, parents/guardians should learn to give age- appropriate answers. This means explaining things in a way that the child can understand given their age. There is no need to answer questions they have’nt asked.
Below is a guide to what children should be able to understand about sex and reproduction at different ages. Also you will find below, some things you should know – such as tips and advice – that you should consider when opening a conversation with your teen about sex and sexuality.
1.INFANCY (UP TO TWO YEARS): Toddlers should be able to name all the body parts including the genitals.
2. EARLY CHILDHOOD (2-5 YEARS): At this stage, children should be able to understand the basics of reproduction: a man and a woman make a baby together, and the baby grows in the uterus. They sould understand that their body is their own. Parents should teach them about privacy around body.
3. MIDDLE CHILDHOOD (5-8 YEARS OLD): Children should have basic understanding that some people are heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual. They should also know what the role of sexuality is in a relationship. They should know about the basic social conversations of privacy, nudity and respect for others in relationships. They should also be taught the basics about puberty towards the end of this age span, as a number of children will experience some pubertal development before age 10.
4. TEEN STAGE( 10-18 YEARS): In addition to reinforcing all the things above that they have already learned, teens should be taught about safe sex, abstinence and contraception. They should understand what makes a positive relationship and what makes a bad one. They should be taught about healthy relationship free of sex, and sexual related activities. They should be taught how to abstain from pre-mature/pre-marital sex, consequences of teenage pregnancy, keeping a healthy relationship, also how to chose positive tv programmes, to read mutivational books, and not to engage in pornography.
Quick Facts
– Parents are the most important sexuality educators for their children.
– No parent needs to be an expert on sexuality to have meaningful conversations with their children – parents can share their values about sexuality, relationships, and respect for others.
– Some parents believe that talking about sex will lead to teens having sex. In fact, research shows that teens who have talked with their parents about sex are more likely to post-pone sex and use birth control when they do begin.
– Teens that have high self-esteem are more likely to make responsible decisions about sex.
– Teens often believe that all of their friends are having sex. This belief puts pressure on teens (especially boys) to have sex.
– Every 350 teens contract a sexually transmitted disease (STD).
– The United States of America has one of the highest birth rates among developing countries.
– Teens often overestimate the percentage of their peers that are sexually experienced.
Teens are very private people. However, if parents have sopken to their children about sex at early age, it increases the chances that teens will approach them when difficult and dangerous things comes up. When kids ask questions about sex, parents should not regard them as silly to be brushed aside, but answered appropriately. They should also throw questions back at them to find out what they already know and where they heard it from. This way, parents will be able to correct any misinformation from the start.
When young people feel unconnected to home and school, they may get involved in activities that will put their health at risk. Although many adults want the youths to know about abstinence, contraception and how to prevent STIs, parents often have difficulties in communicating about sex. Nevertheless, positive communication between parents and children greatly helps young people to establish individual values and to make healthy decisions.
Young people are more likely to make better and more informed decision when adequately educated, and parents will feel more confident knowing that their children are aware of the realities around their reproductive lives. Although most parents work hard to prevent their children from premarital sex, it still happens. Educating the child on the importance of protection as part of safe sex routine may serve a higher purpose of preventing STIs.
Sex education should ideally start in the home where parents should engage their children as active participants in their development process. This education continues at school in a way that preserves the family and the societal realities. The social developmet of young people is a product of family and society partnership, where these children are active participants in their own lives.
Education is by no means an enemy to humanity, but the ignorance is. Education provides the enabling environment for young people to ask and understand better some of the essential questions they may have. Parents should learn to exercise reasonable judgement in dissemnating important information about sex education to their children. If their kids are not comfortable discussing sex with them, how then would they have the courage to inform them about sexual abuse? This results in the child having self-blame, guilt, anxiety and fear of family and outsiders. For teens, they may possibly be increased aggrssion, hostility and some may even turn to drugs and other high-risk behaviours for consolation later in life.
Topics To Talk About
Below is a list of vital topics relating to sex and sexuality. Although teens may have some concept of these topics due to the media, school, friends, etc. it is important to discuss these topics with them 1-on-1. Chances are, they could be severely misinformed regarding these issues – you cannot assume that your teen is already well educated regarding any of these issues.
• Male & Female Reproductive Systems
• Sexual Intercourse
• Pregnancy
• Abstinence/Postponing Sex
• Ways to Show Affection Without Having Sex
• Safer Sex
• Sexual Orientation (Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, transsexual, etc.)
• HIV/AIDS and other STDs
•Emotional Consequences of Sex – rape (such as date rape, gray rape, etc.), sexual assault, sexual abuse, etc.
• [Relating to the last topic] Identifying a Healthy & Safe Sex Life (how to avoid or recognize sexual abuse, etc.)
• How Alcohol and Other Drugs Affect Decisions
Having the right information and sex education would help the child deal with challenges that life may throw at them in relation to their sexual future.
TOGETHER, WE CAN BUILD A SEXUALLY HEALTHY ENVIRONMENT FOR OURSELVES AND FOR GENERATIONS TO COME.
Reference
Palo Alto Medical Foundation (PAMF)
Before They Ask – Talking About Sex From A Christian Perspective: A Guide for Parents of Children from Birth Through Age Twelve. Don and Rhoda Preston. Nashville, TN: United Methodist Publishing House/Cokesbury, 1989
Talking with Your Child About…Sexuality . R. Kenneth Ostermiller. Cleveland: United Church Press, 1990.
Drugs, Sex, and Integrity: What Does Judaism Say? . Daniel F. Polish, Daniel B. Syme and Bernard M. Zlotowitz. New York: UAHC Press, 1991.
Further Reading
Five Hundred Questions Kids Ask About Sex: And Some of the Answers . Frances Younger. Springfield, IL: Charles C. Thomas Publisher, 1992.
It’s
Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex and Sexual Health . Robie Harris. Cambridge, MA: Candlewick Press, 1994.
A Parent’s Guide to the Teen Years: Raising Your 11- to 14-Year-Old in the Age of Chat Rooms and Navel Rings . Susan Panzarine. New York, NY: Checkmark Books, 2000.
YOUNG CATHOLIC STUDENTS MOVEMENT, LAGOS ARCHDIOCESE 